


my face is full of spiderwebs

by imposterhuman



Series: parkner week 2019 and parkner halloween week 2019 [12]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Harley needs a hug, M/M, Peter is a Little Shit, Sassy Peter Parker, Spiders, except for one, harley hates spiders, parkner halloween week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 12:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21179612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Peter looked up from his book, only to see his boyfriend cowering on top of the counter and staring fearfully at the ground. “What are you doing up there? Is there a spider?”Harley pointed at a tiny black speck. “If you don’t get rid of it, I’m breaking up with you.”“But, Harley!” said Peter, smirking wickedly. “I can’t kill him! We’re both spiders; it’s wrong on a deep, moral level.”





	my face is full of spiderwebs

**Author's Note:**

> and the poetic titles continue because id die for halsey
> 
> enjoy!

“Peter,” Harley started nervously. “You have spider powers, right?”

Peter didn’t look up from his project. “I feel like you already know the answer to that.”

“Is one of those powers maybe, possibly, controlling arachnids?” Harley asked.

“No?” Peter looked up, only to see his boyfriend cowering on top of the counter and staring fearfully at the ground. “What are you doing up there? Is there a spider?”

Harley pointed at a tiny black speck. “If you don’t get rid of it, I’m breaking up with you.”

“But, Harley!” said Peter, smirking wickedly. “I can’t kill him! We’re both spiders; it’s wrong on a deep, moral level.”

In Peter’s opinion, it was just payback for Harley dyeing the Spider Man suit orange and black the week before. He’d had to go on patrol practically glowing in the dark; the criminals had not been intimidated. The suit was still vaguely colored because of Harley’s absolutely genius dye (Peter wasn’t sure whether to be proud or upset, so he settled for a mix of both). 

“Consider yourself broken up with,” Harley grumbled, screeching in fear as the spider inched closer. “Oh, god, kill it, kill it, kill it!”

“I’m not gonna kill the spider,” Peter said, already moving. He grabbed a paper off of the table and a glass from the counter. “Why are you so mean to bugs?”

“Because they’re  _ demons _ ,” spat Harley, scrambling backwards as the spider started to climb up the wall. “If that thing gets any closer, I will  _ not  _ be held responsible for any property damage that comes from me blasting it.”

Peter chuckled, gently placing the glass over the spider. “I think Mr. Stark would hold you pretty responsible,” he said. “But there’s no need; I’ve got him.”

“ _ Light it on fire _ ,” Harley hissed. He glared at the glass in Peter’s hand, the paper slid underneath to keep the spider trapped. “Evil demon spawn of a creature.”

“This anti-spider prejudice really hurts my feelings,” complained Peter. He opened the window and let the spider out peacefully, placing it on the sill and closing the glass again. “You know I’m a spider; why must you slander spiders this way?”

“There is one valid spider that is not demon spawn, and it is you,” Harley corrected himself, blowing him a kiss from his perch. “I love you.”

Peter smiled up at Harley, going back to his spot at the table. “If you really loved me, you’d come kiss me properly,” he said airily, shrugging. “But I guess even getting rid of my own kind for you isn’t enough.”

“Drama queen,” Harley rolled his eyes fondly. “You don’t deserve kisses.”

He shifted, drawing Peter’s eyes not only to him, but to the spiderweb right in front of him. Harley, of course, was oblivious to it. 

“Harls, watch-” Peter opened his mouth to protest, but it was too late.

Harley hopped off the counter and ran face first into the spiderweb dangling from the ceiling. He stilled completely, looking up like he was praying for strength. With how much he hated spiders, Peter didn’t doubt it.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Harley said calmly, not even bothering to brush the spider web off of his face. “I need to drown myself in bleach or I will never be clean again.”

Peter stifled laughter. Harley looked resigned. “You need some help?” he asked, gesturing at his face and trying very hard not to collapse into giggles, though he couldn't stop his small smile. “Or, like, rubber gloves?”

Harley just glared and walked out of the kitchen, steps slow and measured.

Peter could hear him screaming all the way down the hall.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me happy!!
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


End file.
